Alleged Jokes

Chiropodist.

My grandmother became housebound in her old age, so went to live with my widowed aunt, her daughter.

The chiropodist was due to visit at two o'clock and at precisely that time my aunt opened the door to a smartly-dressed man with a briefcase. She showed him in to my granny, and went through to work in the kitchen.

Instead of starting on granny's feet, the man chatted to her, and kept on chatting. My aunt eventually returned to the living room and very pointedly removed granny's slippers and socks. Her children would soon be home from school. Still, the man and granny went on nattering to each other.

There was another knock on the door.

"Sorry I'm late. I'm the chiropodist."

"If you're the chiropodist..."

They confronted the first visitor.

"I'm from social services."

"But none of us use the social services."

"Mrs. Gordon? Two Harebell Close?"

"This is number three. Mrs Gordon is over the road."

The social services operative left in embarrassment.

As the chiropodist tried to bring his laughter under control sufficiently to carry out his duties, granny quipped, "I thought he was a bit nosey."

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Willie Nelson.

I used to know so little about country music that I thought Willie Nelson was an illegal wrestling hold.

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Hoseasons.

Some American tourists are confused by the British travel company, Hoseasons, which they take to be the time of year when it is legal to shoot prostitutes.

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Bobby George.

Bobby George is now long jumping for India. She has lost a lot of weight since she was a British darts player.

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Material.

This page is a bit brief because, as I now realise, I do not really tell jokes.